Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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