Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
