the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
