You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
