i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ttyl tear gas
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
