You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
