I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
