gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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