I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
