so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
