38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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