I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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