but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I smell like Dick and happiness
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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