just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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