can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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