I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
