please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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