The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
