Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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