I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
