Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
