i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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