I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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