Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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