I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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