i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
