i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
