The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
