I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
