You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
