Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
