yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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