went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
