so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
