Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
