Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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