I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
