So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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