Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
