woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
