I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
