the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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