Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
