Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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