i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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