you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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