Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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