My nipple is on Facebook.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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