he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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