let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
