babies were throwing up all over the place
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
