How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
