Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
